sometimes the door creaks

Feels like I’m in the middle of everything.
Not thirty but not sixteen, got a partner but no ring
owns only a couch and dresses up just for identity.

It’s one a.m. and I don’t understand why I can’t sleep
but it’s been a shame or, well, maybe a release
because it is more efficient to write than to count sheep.

It’s weird to have it all when one can’t still find its right use.
They’ve told me I have it all but how if none of this was mine to choose
How could anyone choose this, too?

If I had it my way, my ex could still be here
my hair would be long and gaining weight wouldn’t be a fear
and guys would get the hint when they stand a bit too near.

I am not here nor there, ‘cause I get too far but my feet are bare
and the ones who are there look without a care
as if their breath just led them where they were.

But anyways I’ll keep my best
I know not much but I may need a rest
I take my own hands and hold whatever’s in my chest.

I dance to Florence ‘cause the lyrics kinda keep my breath away
I serenade Halsey to my mirror so I pass the lions that chase me every day
Tell me more about the rituals that prevent you from turning gray.

And it was a weird feeling in my stomach when I read my ex best friend’s news
I guess I’ll take that black dress I got for next weekend’s wedding to early use.

And they are not the nice type of friend and everybody knew
but not for a second think we won’t all be there standing for you.

So brace yourself, for you may lose more than a tooth
our bodies are golden bruised
It’s wicked and dreadful, living our youth.