My Lorazepam Prescription Should’ve Been For You

I found an old note I forgot to follow
one I silently wrote back in August of ‘24
The most gut wrenching pill I’ve swallowed
was realizing what I already knew before

And a wave of raging regret swallowed me whole
How could I leave me so far and for so long
stranded in the deserted island I claimed as my own
Now I can hear the echoes of a forgotten screaming soul

Then I found a thousand crumpled letters
which I had hidden in the pockets of your sweaters
tried to tear them apart but guilt came in bleak
spit right on my feet and scolded “you quit ‘cause you’re weak”

And that’s when my body woke up and sent my mind to sleep
kept getting tummy aches and periods were late for weeks
At 3:45 sharp you could find me on the bathroom floor
my skin pale on ice and my lungs fist fighting my ribs

Then time became our currency but you only had spare change
and the bounty on your head asked for millions
so I begged and borrowed just to get to your bid
How broke did I have to get for your freedom’s exchange rate?

I gave you my everythings
stole from myself to make sure you were complete
so it may be fair now to give you the last thing you will need
had to go turn you in to be sure I wouldn’t cheat
May my absence be your everything
May losing my self be the way I’ll find me.